Thank you so much for breastfeeding me! You probably already know that your milk is designed especially for me, and is better than anything else you could feed me.
I know that right now, you feel like your friends who aren’t breastfeeding their babies seem to have an easier time of things. Those other babies sleep soundly and longer between feedings, they drink so much, and they don’t fuss to eat all the time like I do! I can tell you’re getting a little bit frustrated, and I hear all the advice you’re getting … my grandma says you weren’t breastfed and you turned out just fine, my daddy says he feels like he can’t do anything to soothe me, and that lady with the cold hands that you call “doctor” gave you a can of something that she says will help me grow faster. You’re tired and frustrated because taking care of me just seems too hard, but please mommy, before you give up this yummy breastfeeding thing, let me explain some of my behavior to you. It might help you feel better.
First, if you and I were separated after I was born, for any reason (maybe it was hospital protocol that I be left under a warmer, maybe you were recovering from surgery), I’ve got some catching up to do, because I probably lost more weight than my friends who got to stay close to their mommies. It’s OK … I’m really good at letting you know when I need some more calories, but it’s important that you let me breastfeed lots and lots, even if my grandma says “he just ate!!” In my first few days, the nurses at the hospital might tell you I’m hungry and your body can’t make enough milk for me … but mommy, that colostrum from your breasts is some awesome stuff! It’s packed with protein, which binds to any bilirubin in my body (elevated bilirubin causes jaundice in more than half of newborns) so I can poop it on out. It’s also a great laxative, which makes it easy for me to get all that black, tarry meconium out of me and we can move on to the seedy, yellow-brown poops that are much easier to clean off my sweet tushie. Now, the colostrum is really thick and sticky, and I’m so small and still figuring out how to move my tongue, and we’re both still trying to get comfortable together, so it might take me 20 minutes or longer to suck out just ONE TEASPOON (5-7 mL) of that liquid gold.
But it’s OK, mommy! You know, there is really nowhere I’d rather be than in your arms, hearing your sweet voice and smelling you — even though you haven’t had a shower since before I was born, you’re just delicious to me. And something else you should know about me … even though I have a really cute “Buddha belly” that looks all chubby, the capacity of my stomach on the day I’m born is just 5-7 milliliters – that’s the size of a small marble! You’re the smartest woman in my whole world, so I know you see the connection here! The amount of colostrum in your breast is exactly the capacity of my tummy! My stomach walls on my first day of life are very rigid and won’t stretch; this is why, if anyone tries to feed me with a bottle, I’m going to spit most of it back up again, even though I eagerly suck at it. See, mommy, I only have two ways to send and receive information from my brand-new world – I can cry, and I can suck. I can’t see much, and all these sounds are so much louder than when I was inside you, and I can use my hands to help me orient myself on your breast, but crying and sucking are pretty much how I make sense of everything.
I know it seems really confusing, mommy, that I would want to suck and suck and suck even though my tummy is full. When I suck, lots of great things happen for both of us. I keep my own digestion moving by triggering the involuntary digestive muscles in peristalsis – moving the contents of my stomach along because I’m still moving my mouth and tongue, which are the beginning of my digestive tract. When you let me do all this suckling at your breast, I can very easily regulate how I suck, depending on why I’m sucking at any given moment. You can probably feel when I’m suckling nutritively and swallowing lots of milk, and when I’m kind of relaxed about it, feeding sort of like I’m savoring a bowl of ice cream … you know how sometimes, you scrape just a tiny bit onto your spoon, because you want it to last a long time? To me, you’re better than ice cream! But on a bottle, it’s impossible for me to suck and not get whatever’s in there, and that’s confusing to me, so I might keep sucking because that’s what my instinct is telling me to do, or I might realize my tummy hurts (because even on day 10, my stomach capacity is only a ping pong ball) and I’ll cry and cry because all I really know is crying and sucking!
A word about these instincts I feel … I really can’t help it, mommy, that I want to suckle so much. It’s just how I came out, and there doesn’t seem to be much that I can do about it. Please believe me, I’m not trying to trick you! In a few weeks, this need lets up a tiny bit, but for now, suckling is my M.O. But, do you want to know something really cool? I’m not the only one who benefits! When I suckle at your breast in these early days, your body actually activates prolactin receptors! Isn’t that amazing? In my first two weeks, the higher I make your prolactin levels go (my suckling triggers a prolactin surge in your body), the more of these receptors get activated in your breasts, and the higher your potential milk production will be for as long as you choose to breastfeed me. That’s one reason your lactation consultant tells you to wait on introducing that bottle or that binky– this prolactin receptor thing only happens for the first 10-14 days. After that, the prolatcin surges when I breastfeed are much smaller, so the more receptors there are to gobble up what prolactin is there, the more easily you’ll make all the milk I need.
Besides prolactin, there’s oxytocin, another hormone I activate when I am at your breast. Oxytocin is part of what makes you so addicted to me! It’s “the love hormone” and it helps you feel relaxed and content when we’re breastfeeding. Go ahead, mommy, exhale and relax! It’s OK! Oxytocin release is triggered by nipple stimulation, not necessarily milk removal (though when things are going well, my stimulation of your nipples usually means I’m removing milk!). Now, I know this might sound a little awkward coming from your baby, but I need you to know something about oxytocin. There are only three events in your life that trigger oxytocin release: nipple stimulation (like when I’m breastfeeding), labor (the oxytocin released during childbirth stimulates uterine contractions, which is why nipple stimulation might be suggested when labor stalls, and also explains why sometimes, after you breastfeed me, you feel an increased expulsion of lochia and maybe some cramping), and … orgasm!! Isn’t neat that the same hormone plays a part in making me, birthing me, and feeding me, and it’s a hormone that makes you feel GOOD to do all three?
Mommy, I know you are trying your very best for me and you’ve been worried about whether your body can satisfy my appetite. I know you’re used to being able to measure everything, and your breasts don’t have markers on them to tell you how much milk I got. Maybe you used a breast pump, and that confirmed your worries that there isn’t much milk there – but mommy, please understand that a good pump can mimic me, but your body wasn’t designed to have all these wonderful hormone surges for a cold piece of plastic with a noisy vacuum motor. You know that feeling you get when you hold my warmth and weight, smell how delicious I am, and nom nom nom on my fat cheeks? That feeling helps you make milk! That feeling is part of the whole system that was designed to make you need to be close to me, just as much as I need to be close to you. And mommy, I know you’re very busy, and important, and there’s so much you used to do before I came, and I know right now, it feels like you’ll never do those things again, and our house is getting messy, and maybe that scares you. But please know, every moment you spend holding me, every time you gaze lovingly at me, and every hour you spend breastfeeding me in these early days is so important to me, because you’re all I know. I love daddy and grandma and all of our friends, but I’m designed to be happiest and least stressed when I’m with you. Can you wear me in a sling or soft carrier after I’m milk-drunk? I really like listening to your heart beating while I sleep, and you are warm and soft and smell so good. That space between your breasts is perfectly sized for my head, and there’s nothing I like better than the feel of your skin against mine. Well, maybe there is something I like better … I love it when you sleep next to me after we’ve been breastfeeding. Oh, mommy, when you nurse me while lying down, you relax and your milk flows so nicely, and I feel like you’re so happy to be with me, and I’m very special to you because you don’t have to run off and do something else as soon as I’ve let your breast go.
And mommy, I have a promise to make to you. I can’t say for sure when it will happen, but there will come a day when I need you a little bit less intensely. My feedings will get more organized, my weight gain will stabilize, and sometimes, I’ll even like when my daddy or grandma or other loving person holds me. But today, I need you. You’ll always be my number one, even after we’re done breastfeeding, but I will learn, like you did, to defer my needs and to trust others to meet them once you and I get a good thing going. Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me so far. Until you start giving me an allowance, I hope my good health, sweet smiles, coos, and giggles will sustain you!